I have always been a sucker for love, Love will put me in a position to hate, and my stubborn ass still Love! If that Trina song F**ck Love came out before I knew what love truly was, that would have been the greatest hook ever written!
I was much too strong to let what I believe was love break my heart because if I did, that mean’s only hate exist. Willful I was to tell myself forget relationships, alone I’ll be, and myself I’ll continue to love.
Traumatized by the thought I let love creep yet another ability, an fell for it again, and with my eyes closed I was blindsided by defeat! The love I once felt wasn’t there, but I cared like it was.
The longer we stayed together; I told myself this could be love. The lies I tell myself started to look like the truth, it was almost as if love had enough of me!
Have love given up on me?
We would have ride out existence, but didn’t even come close to being nominated for the couple of the year! All I wanted was the love I once felt, or perhaps it was the one I once loved.
I’ll shake off these thoughts like I’m helping a tree loose all it’s leaves in one day. And oh my, how fast they disappeared was a breeze! My heart has lost control so I thought. But these restless nights in my feelings, makes me realize I still have a heart.
I made a decision to let love in!
And then the unexpected happened. Cupid came in with arrows that pointed in all the wrong directions. There he was in front of a crowd filled with family and friends, reaching for the hand of the woman he loves on bended knee.
The song “he propose to me” played in my head as I looked at the evidence. The detective I never hired snapped me back to reality! This isn’t him I replied with relief,
Look closely you sure he insisted.
I was no longer with a fraud, and was happy my heart wasn’t wrapped up in it. I didn’t even cry more so embarrassed. I could have screamed “dudes ain’t sh*t” but I didn’t. Instead I picked myself up and moved on. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts.
(All my friends are gone)
I needed someone to pretend to love me so I can return the favor. It was all fun and games until feelings start to interfere, I told the truth, I was in love with someone else.
Our little relationship continued and made believed I never said it!
My heart never left my body so I started to care. Why must my heart be so big?
Break-up to make up we was good at, telling each other I love you I questioned that. Did I push him to say it? Could be facts.
This time I had enough I’m done with making-up! I cried him out my head, and told myself its o.k. I felt like a piece of me was torn, not gone. I kept the wound open until I was ready to get stitches. And once it healed I felt so damn good! I forgave all those who done me wrong.
As a result I still refused to give up on love. But this time I vowed, when the right one comes along. I will know it!
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